Hi, my name is Eric and I was in the Jeff
Mullins Band. I played drums officially, but recorded some of the bass
and guitar, as well as the *really* awful vocals on the Cd. This is a
review, but also a documentary of the most powerful, awesome album ever
released. This Cd changed lives, and here is the proof.
This album was written and recorded in about 9 months, all in the
spare bedroom of my house, in the time my mom wasn’t home to yell at us
about the noise. Originally we hadn’t planed to release it at all aside
from mp3.com, but then we got a bassist (Will Dunn) and started played
live. Somewhere along the road we thought it would be badass to put out
a full album and give away (FOR FREE!) 1,000 copies. Well, as
everything else in this band (including wills penis) we came up lazily
short, and only put out 500. I still think that’s pretty tits though,
especially for something done out of my house. On top of that we had
T-shirts, bracelets, bumper stickers, a single put out on a floppy
disk, and a large handful of shows - all in like 10 months.
1- Jeff Mullins Is Not In The Band - I wrote this song, it was the only
tune on the album totally 100% composed by one person. Every goddamned
genius note was sweated out thru blood by me, and it was written
straight from the depths of my heart. But if I wasn’t being a complete
dolt I’d tell you I only wrote this song cause I like seeing Clint sing
*really* gay things. The lyrics here are mind-numbinly queer, but
still about Leah (seriously) and I’m proud of that. The first time I
played Clint this song he was like “eh, the songs ok, but the lyrics
have to go”. Like hell Clint, like hell. The recording quality of this
song is pretty good, probably the best on the album. The bass is really
loud and thick, the drums are low in the mix but clear, the vocals
sound perfect, and the guitar is slightly flat dynamically but
tolerable. Most surprisingly the performance is decent, if not good. I
amazed myself!
2- Queen Of Kanada - As the rest of the songs on the Cd are, this was
written by Clint and mutilated by me to come out as the final product.
This was the last song we recorded for the Cd, and we did it in a rush.
You see, it's written about our friend Erica Vos who was born in Canada
and lived in Germany for a while ("hence the "K" in Kanada). She said
something once about wanting to be the Queen of Canada, but silly her
they don’t have a Queen! Canadians only have Czars or something.
Anyways, all the rushing was caused by the fact that we wanted to get
her a copy of the album for her birthday and that was like tomorrow.
The recording of this song sucks ass. Worst on the disc. It sounds
fucking bad, and Clint’s guitar playing is worse. It sounds very paper
thin, and makes me wanna die. The upshot is the songs not too bad, and
it’s got a badass breakdown. All in all, I fell that this recording is
a bad representation of what I had hoped for. But ya know, fuck it.
3- Rad Racer - This song is short, and retarded. I don't remember
writing it, but I do remember making Clint say "let's listen to
‘Something so gay’" as the last line. ('Something So Gay' is the next
song on the Cd). This song was one of the two released on a 100 copy
pressing of a floppy disk we gave away at a show...well, the first half
of the song was on it. The second half wouldn’t fit. The recording
ain’t too shabby, I like the way the drums sounds at the beginning. The
songs ok I guess, Leah always said it was better cut in half, I guess
she might be right.
4- Something So Gay - I think this is my least favorite song on the Cd.
I skip it whenever I come to it, its annoying as crap. The drums were
recorded like 6 months before anything else, and at that time this song
was kinda heavy, and rocking. By the time we did the rest of it, Clint
and Wills vagina's had swollen up and it got really crappy and weak so
the drums on the Cd are all hard and rocking, and the rest sucks. I
hate you guys.
5- You're All That I Wanted of a Girl - This song fucking rules. Three
Weezer references, catchy as crap, fun drum fills, funny lyrics, and
Jeff Mullins hates it. What else could I ever ask for?
….Oh, the lyrics flow with the ease of an East Asian hooker, the bass
line is tight and fucking catchy, and the recording is far above
tolerable. This shit is a masterpiece; I always have it stuck in my
head at random times. Like me and Leah will be rockin’ it on Will's
bedroom floor, and it’ll just pop in my head and I have all I can do to
not hum it. Check this shit out if you want to hear the best pop song
ever.
6- Rebecca the Bear -This is an early song (the third I think) that me
and Clint wrote. It turned out to be our hit cause of my awesome vocal
preformance...ok; it’s the hit ‘cause it’s fucking stupid. "I'm a girl,
I'm a girl, I'm a girl!!"...what the fuck. I had serious problems
playing this a few times, keeping myself from laughing my way off my
throne. The songs about Clint’s sister Lark, written thru her eyes
about some boy she worked with. But we didn’t want to sound like fags
by saying "I think you're the boy of my dreams" so I wanted to clarify
we were a girl. It's pretty funny I guess. Oh, the "girl! girl!" crap
at the end was hard to do.
7- Fresca Slut - I can't believe Clint wanted to call this song "Fresca
SLUT". I guess, whatever. Second song we wrote and recorded (it was
re-recorded for the actual album), and we about crapped ourselves with
amazement when it was done. "That came out of us?!!" was a common
phrase used, we were more astonished at what we had produced than a dog
whose is surprised at his own farts. The whole song is a Simpson’s
reference, but it's about Clint’s girlfriend, (soon to be wife) Ann
Courtney (you rock AC!). This was our other hit, the kids dug it.
Recordings good too.
8- Leah - Ever seen that movie "That Thing you Do" with Tom Hanks? We
ripped off that song, straight up. It was the first song we recorded;
it was also re-recorded for the final album. We just did this cause we
were bored, and wanted to see what we could pull off. This songs ok,
it's kinda flatly written, but not bad considering we weren’t trying to
make it good. The lyrics aren’t bad, how Clint says he wants to kill me
so he can be with Leah...kinda funny, not hilarious. I love the
keyboard solo in the middle of it, Jason Frank (of Divide by Zero and
Kamikaze Escape Plan) played the keys, and John Pidel (of St Diablo)
played the egg shaker and tambourine in it. The very end of the solo
has a weird percussion thing that was given to me by Mike Hart of
Warrant. It's totally the icing on the cake.
9- Cara Owens - We aren’t sure who Cara Owens is, but she was in my
yearbook and we needed a name. The song is totally fictitious, all
pulled out of Clint's Mormon booty. We recorded this with the actual
Jeff Mullins (he played the keys) and John Pidel (on tambourine again).
I love this song, it’s awesome, and I’m not really sure why. It just
makes me feel all fucking fuzzy inside! Oh, the slide whistle fucking
rules.
10- Andron 5 - If I said ‘Queen of Kanada’ is the worst sounding
recording, I lied. This one is worse. A lot. And come to think of it,
this was the first song me and Clint ever worked on, like 6 months
before we ever recorded anything we were jamming with our friend Andy
Hanlin (he played bass) whom I called "Andron" in high school due to
his robotic appearance. I'm not sure where the "5" came from. Some of
the lyrics in this song are amazing. "If this was the bowl of life then
you're my lucky charms". Haha, amazing. Me and Clint re-recoded this
song with distortion and balls, let me know if you want me to send you
a copy. It sounds a lot better.
11- Jordan's Butterflies - Our friend Jordan got butterflies tattooed
on his arm. This song is gay. We needed the gayest thing ever to name
this song, and suddenly Jordan came to mind. I’m pretty sure this song
is about me.... (heh...i know for a fucking fact its not) and the "Ohh
la la's” are me wanting Clint to look gay again. It worked, cause now
he’s living with a dude. (wait a second...) I love the end of this
song, with the pauses, but the rest of it’s a piece of shit. That’s ok;
at least it’s got Ohh la la's.
I honestly can't think of anything I’m more proud of than this album,
even the crap on it makes me smile. None of us really know how to play
our instruments, or record a band, or really write a song, but look at
this shit - we put out a Cd that’s not too bad! It's even better that
some people liked it, shit we spent nine months recording 17 minutes of
crappy pop, someone had better fucking like it. (OR ELSE!) I think one
of my favorite JMB moments was when we played with an "emo" band from
Salt Lake City last year. They were a really good, hard, tight band.
When we played half of them had their jaws on the floor, they couldn’t
believe we were up there doing 'that'. The other guys were laughing
their asses off. That’s exactly what I think we aimed for, if we aimed
for anything at all.
eric.